i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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