under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
