I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
