Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
