I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
