he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
