i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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