I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
are you so shy because you have an std?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
