Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
