She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
