mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
