one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
