Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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