So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
