it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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