I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize