also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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