my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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