I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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