he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
