im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
