i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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