i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
