you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
