also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
