I am puke
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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