I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
