Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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