She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
