Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
