Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
