That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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