The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
