Please, let me fuck your mom
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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