I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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