Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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