I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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