idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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