we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
