Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
handjob tips. give me some.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
