i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
