started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I love you.
Bad choice
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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