i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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