Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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