Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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