Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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