got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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