can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
