Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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