Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You need Xanax blowdarts
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
