my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
