I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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