Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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