You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
