My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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