There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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