My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Btw I puked in your glovebox
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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