Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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