I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
