so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
