You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
