It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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