At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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