why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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