i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize