there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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