even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
