Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I love you. Go after that dick
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
