i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
