I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
worst night to have a conscience
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
