The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
