I am spending my child support on dildos
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
