Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize