I could have mohawked her pubes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
