hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize